MC Ientity Week

Stories

Chehronai Fozil photo

Female, international, nerd, scientist, optimist, pride, multilingual

A couple of years ago I found myself wandering between cultures, customs and different traditions. At the beginning of this “cultural voyage” I was torn between contradictions which forced me to ask myself: Who am I? What makes me a Sugdi?
Four years ago a specific incident happened in Dushanbe which triggered off these thoughts. Vaqti qatorai navbati kay ba Sugd meravad? (Could you tell me when the next train goes to Sugd?), I asked a railway man as I was on my way home, after I had taken my entrance exam at International Lyceum back in 2011. The friendly man smiled and begged my pardon. He did not quite understand me. At this point I realized that I was no longer in my home town in Istaravshan and that all the competence I had in speaking my dialect which I’m so proud of could constitute a burden rather than a merit. This was the first time I perceived myself as being different from other people in Tajikistan. Some of my fellow students that I met during the exam rejected their dialect and preferred to speak in Russian, but I was proud of it and it made me somehow stand out from the crowd so I could be easily identified by it. I realized that my Sugdi dialect was a part of my cultural identity. As time passed by I got to know many different people from different parts of Tajikistan, their customs and their way of living. After having spent two years of my high school in Dushanbe, I continued my studies in a completely different country, in the US. I was very much excited about the new faces and new culture I was about to meet. When I arrived to the US, I met many people that did not know anything about my home country and I was mostly differentiated as an international student from ex-Soviet Union country. At this moment I realized there was not only no place left for my Sugdi identity, which I am extremely proud of, but there was also hardly even any left for my Tajik identity. For the first time in my life I felt ashamed of my nationality. And from that moment on I was somehow torn between my Sugdi pride and the feeling of shame for who I was in the US. I was trapped in some generalized prejudices about myself that I did not want to have anything to do with. My identity was on the verge of being formed by some stereotypic views which I could not accept. But in spite of all these confrontations and contradictions I had to face and which scared me and disoriented me at first, they were also the one that gave me strength and motivated me to figure out who I really am. I am an international student from Tajikistan and I speak Sugdi dialect fluently. I am not ashamed about my bilingualism. In fact, language is an important parameter for defining my cultural identity, because other people also define or identify you by the way you speak. Certainly you become most aware of your language when you find yourself in a foreign country where no-one speaks your language. What I have noticed is that if you are among people who do not only speak differently, but also behave differently and look different from you, you suddenly distinguish yourself culturally from the others, and your cultural identity becomes much more evident.
The frequently asked question about whether I consider Sugdi or Tajik being my native tongue is not easy to answer. But I think that this diversity which has shaped my personality is also the key to my cultural identity.

Sarah Gregory photo

I’m an oddball, because my life has been divided between two places. I have an American passport because my parents are both American, but I was born and raised in the Czech Republic, in Europe. Fitting into a pretty box has never been my strong suit; I cannot meet the standards for a Czech nor an American that most people have because I don’t have my identity grounded in one single home. When fellow students ask me where I’m from, I don’t know what to say; it’s not an easy answer. While I feel like this should worry me, I have a Hope.
I am also a bad person. I hate, I lie, I judge, I discriminate, I worry…but thanks to someone better than myself, someone with love and grace- JESUS – I’m also forgiven of it all, loved, and hopeful. I am a sinner, and also a saint. Though there’s a disconnect between me and this American culture I’m living in, it encourages me to know that my citizenship isn’t in Maryville, in Stodůlky, in Philly, or even in Prague. Thanks to the Saviour of the world, I know that my home, my identity, is in Heaven.

Saidee McDaniel

Throughout high school I had struggled with my identity and tried to find my purpose. I have been an athlete since I was very young, and I have grown into that label. For years I have lived the life of a committed athlete. I am strong. I am competitive. I am a teammate. I was the first to arrive at practice and the last to leave. Any free time I had turned into another practice. I come from a family of athletes, so, for a while, I believed that that’s all I was.

My junior year of high school I suffered an injury that put me out of the game for nine months. At that point, I struggled with myself because I did not know how to just sit back and watch my team play without me. During the recovery, I realized that I don’t need volleyball to label me as just an athlete. I am independent. I am smart. I am spontaneous. I am relaxed. I am genuine.

My experiences at Maryville College have shown me that there is more to me than people assume. With each and every experience I encounter I find a different aspect of myself that molds me into who I am. I am still growing. I am more than just a volleyball player.

At a very young age I noticed that I was a little different than the other guys at my school. Deep down I knew exactly what it was, but I COULDN’T let anyone find out. Being on the football team and being an active churchgoer, I thought I could repress and conceal the thing that I felt made me a terrible and shameful person. I tried everything I could to change myself so that I could “fit in” and be a “normal” member of society, but it was inescapable.  I was gay. After six long years of trying and trying, I lied to my mom and snuck to a Knoxville Gay Men’s Chorus rehearsal my senior year of high school. I fell absolutely in love with this group of men and the organization, but I knew I would be unable to join because I was not “out” to my family. Ultimately, the next day I came out of the closet to my mom, who accepted me and has continuously supported me to this day. Over the summer before getting to Maryville College I officially gained the strength to come out to everyone. I was finally set free and I was never looking back. Today, I stand proud as a brave, radiant, fabulous, GAY man! I just wanted say a quick thank you to my mother, the Knoxville Gay Men’s Chorus, Maryville College, and to everyone else who has supported me for just being me.

Brittany CoatsI used to care a LOT about what others thought about me. I used to care a LOT about making everyone happy. I used to focus on both of these things so much that it was to my own detriment and happiness. I learned that I will never be perfect to everyone and I will never make everyone happy. Both things are impossible. My experience here at Maryville College reinforced this for me. Why try to combat an inevitable impossible when while doing so you will never be happy? It’s a lose-lose.

I’ve learned that if I’ve tried my best, accepted the inevitable, and owned my own life, I can be at peace with myself and truly happy.